DEAR MAN Guide

Communicate effectively to get what you want while maintaining relationships.

DEARMAN

Ask for something — or say no — clearly, while keeping the relationship intact. Work through it in order.

Steps

Describe Describe the facts of the situation — just what happened, no interpretation. “When you came home late last night without calling…”
Express Express how you feel with “I” statements. Don’t assume they already know. “…I felt worried and a little angry.”
Assert Ask for what you want, or say no, clearly. Don’t make them guess. “I’d really like you to call me next time you’re going to be late.”
Reinforce Name the upside of getting what you’re asking for, ahead of time. “Then I’d be much less stressed and we could have a peaceful evening.”
Stay mindful Keep your focus on your goal. Don’t get pulled off track — calmly repeat your request like a broken record.
Appear confident Use a steady tone and posture, and make eye contact. No whispering, stammering, or staring at the floor.
Negotiate Be willing to give to get. Offer alternatives, reduce the ask, or solve the problem another way.

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